We will discover the nature of our particular genius when we stop trying to conform to our own or to other peoples’ models, learn to be ourselves, and allow our natural channel to open. — Shakti Gawain
Only lately have I begun to really visualize my life the way I want it. True I have been exposed to the visualization process for decades but I have never really practiced it, not fully anyway. In fact as I write this I’m not sure I am completely in sync with my self-visualization. Yet I am attempting, yes attempting to see myself in a new and exciting light.
For 60 years I have lived in a life designed by other people. I always conformed to their image of me; never did I conform to my image of me. This has left me hollow and shallow, without real hope, and without a real future. I cheated myself because I never realized, deeply realized just how powerful I really am.
I’m not talking about power in the political sense of the word but rather in the self-image sense. My power comes from being me not an image of what someone else wants me to be. It was, and is, my obstacle, a self-imposed obstacle and one which I can eliminate from my life. The only issue is I have lived with this obstacle for so long I find it difficult to eradicate it from my psyche. I said difficult not impossible.
So what is my visualization? What is visualization? Why is it important and how can I apply it?
Some basic questions for me to answer and by answering them for me I hope I can encourage you. I guess I need to start at the beginning, which is generally a good place to start. For me it began in my childhood when the adult authority figures (parents, teachers, others) all told me how stupid and ignorant I was. Yep they told me that. I guess they felt they were doing me a favor, not realizing their well-meaning intentions were destroying my future. It never ceases to amaze me no matter how “well-intentioned” the subject matter is; it always backfires, or self-destructs in some way. Be it a government program or an individual initiative, a good intention always fails. The only thing that has proven to work is positive action and self-resourcefulness. But I digress, moving on…
I don’t remember ever receiving any encouragement from anyone, family or friends, in my youth. Even today the perception of those close to me is one of negativity towards my talents and skills. It appears to their way of thinking that I will always be a loser and the sad part is I have always proven them right. Does any of this sound familiar in your life?
The horrible part is that I and I alone gave and give others permission to define me. Yes, you read me right; I give my permission for others to define me. Then I constantly and willingly live down to the standards they have set for me, and I never let them down or prove them wrong. So I ask who is the winner and loser here?
I am definitely the loser. I lose because I have been convinced that I am a loser, and I was convinced by others who don’t and can’t live my life. But I have permitted this to become my reality. Why? Why would I permit that? Why did I not outgrow that perception? It is a vicious cycle and one that must be broken, but how?
The answer is simple: I wanted to remain in a comfort zone, the comfort zone of losing all the time. I feel safe losing my self-respect. I feel safe losing money. I feel safe never living up to my potential. I feel safe being humiliated all the time. I feel safe with ridicule. I feel safe being a loser and this attitude is reflected in the way I live.
I don’t live badly for somewhere along the way I managed to lift myself up to have a fair life, but not a great life. I get by, but I don’t excel. There is no reason I should not excel except I feel safe in being called lazy. That term, lazy, a term I have suffered from since childhood, is imbedded in me so deep that I can’t shake the concept of it.
It is true, am I lazy? Yes. It is true because I make it true, and because I want it to be true. Thus I ensure it is true. Of all the issues I have to deal with this term, lazy, is the one that hurts me the most. Yet in reality I am not lazy because I work, and I am working to make a better life for my family and myself. But I can’t shake the image of me being lazy. At least I couldn’t until recently.
Enter visualization, the process of changing a life, any life into one of greatness and peace of mind. I always thought of myself as being better than I currently was but I didn’t really visualize, deeply visualize myself becoming better or great. While I saw myself as being great I was actually wishing I was great. I was only performing half of the visualization requirement. What was I missing? The element of emotion. Emotion plays a major role in the visualization process. Without emotion the exercise of visualization is worthless.
The mind is a marvelous and mysterious object. The mind can create great value but it can also create great destruction. A positive or negative effect within a life is developed within the mind, specifically the subconscious. I know, I know it sounds crazy and maybe it is, but the reality is the mind is the only mechanism in the world which can change your life.
In all my years I was only applying one part of the visualization process, the seeing process. Never once did I purposely use the emotion side of the equation to manipulate my life the way I wanted it. Whenever I did use emotion it was always by accident and I never associated the two elements together. So when things went right in my life it was always an accident, on purpose.
So what happened to me, what did I do to awaken myself? It’s amazing what happens when you read the correct material. One book I just read by Joe Vitale discusses the visualization process, something he calls “Nevillizing”. It’s basically a coined term and a method of visualizing your goals. For some reason this topic took hold with me and made a lot of sense. Of course I had read the same words by other authors but they never connected. I don’t know why Joe’s book did but it did and that’s all that really matters. The point is without putting emotion into your insight you can’t change your life.
I’m not going to rehash this visualization method as it has been written about so many times. I only want to impress upon you that it is you who controls your destiny. You can be like me and allow others to control your potential or you can wake up and realize you must take control of your thoughts and beliefs and begin to focus on those elements you want to become real in your life. Why should you live the life someone else wants for you? What good does that do you? Does living a life someone else demand you live make you happy? I doubt it. So why are you miserable? That is the question I asked me and it is the answer that began to change my thinking after all these years.
So what can you do, or where do you begin? The first step in controlling your own life begins with a simple question: Am I living my life or the life of someone else? Or another way of asking: Are you living the life you want or the life someone else demands you live?
It’s a simple question with a simple answer, yet it forms the foundation of you taking control of your thinking. Of course this may not apply to you if you have total control over your thoughts and your life. If you do, great but experience has taught me that the majority of us live our lives to please others and to be accepted by our peers.
There is nothing inherently wrong with that approach unless you realize you are not utilizing your full potential to be the best you can be and have the type of life you want. So I challenge you to ask yourself if you are living for you or someone else. The odds are you are living a life established by someone else. So I ask: Why?
G.
