I have come to the conclusion that I am afraid of making real money. I am afraid of making lots of money. I am terrified of being wealthy. I am so afraid that I have developed a phobia about it. Why is that? What factor in my life has created this unnatural fear?
With that question in mind I decided that I needed to find an answer. But how, how do I find the answer?
If you are reading this blog than you may be skeptical about what I am saying, and for that I don’t blame you. But these blogs did not materialize out of thin air; rather these articles are based on previous missives I wrote months ago for me. What I have done is taken those raw thoughts and cleaned them up, making them more presentable if you will.
In this article I want to discuss how these observations came to be and what I discovered about myself. As I mentioned these thoughts are months old giving me a lot of time to dwell on their meaning even though I originally wrote them. What I am doing now is sharing them with you.
Why is it all about me?
Because I am the only person I really understand. How can I give you advice if I fail to heed it myself? How can I help you if I can’t help me? How can I tell you how to be successful if I’m not? Oh sure I can fake it but that wouldn’t be honest, and it sure would not help me in any way. And that brings up a real big problem I have with myself – I know what to do, I just don’t do it. Why is that?
When I wrote my original missives I quickly realized that many others may fall into the same category I find myself in. I also realized that by helping me I may be able to provide information which you may be able to utilize to help yourself. The bottom line is each of us, individually, is responsible for our own lives. I cannot live your life any more than you can live mine. Hence the only person I can truly help is me.
That said if I write something that helps you understand yourself better then that is a major bonus in the self-help arena. I mention this again because it is so important: I can only help me, you have to help yourself. But maybe, just maybe we can also help each other.
Reliving My Past
I needed to find the answer to my original question: Why am I afraid of making real money? That led to another question: What do I consider real money?
It became apparent that I needed to answer the second question before I could answer the first, but then I ran into a dilemma, I didn’t know the answer to the question. Even today I still have trouble answering this question. Why?
The answer to all of this lays in my past and how I was raised. In order to make sense of this I began to remember my past:
I was raised in a family that never taught me the value of money. I was never taught to save, never taught to be frugal, never taught to respect the power of money. While not taught explicitly at home, I was taught in school and church that money is evil, that people with money are horrible people, that money corrupts the soul and hell and damnation follows those who have money. What a lesson to teach a six year old kid.
The ramifications of such lessons have had far and lasting effects on me. These lessons specifically taught me how to be poor and never how to be rich. Even today people of authority tell us that being rich is ugly and bad, while they themselves are filthy rich! Hypocrites all!
The constant message, pounded into my young brain that money is evil, developed within me a subconscious entity which I termed the “root” command of thinking.
When this realization hit me it was if a ton of bricks had been taken off my mind. I began to comprehend what was happening to me and why. But the root command reached far deeper than just the money issue. As I began to explore this concept, a concept that hit me at the age of 60, I realized just how cheated I was in my life. Others, those of authority, had taken away from me a chance at a real future. It was then I began to kick myself in the butt for my own stupidity! Others may have influenced me but I was stupid enough to let them!
With this realization I got mad, not just mad but determined mad. I got mad at those responsible for all the lies in my youth, but mostly I got mad at myself for my own ignorance. So I made a decision, a decision forged in the aisles of grocery stores and shopping malls. This living from payday-to-payday nonsense had to stop and it had to stop soon.
How soon became the question. I gave myself a year to change my life around. For 60 years I have been living in a world of lies and misinformation, for 60 years I had denied myself real happiness, for 60 years I had reinforced the lies which kept me trapped in the world of slavery. It was time to make a jail break.
All my life I have sabotaged every effort, every opportunity I had to make money. I never knew why until I stumbled upon the concept of the root command. So what exactly is my root command? In simple terms it is a set of instructions which tells my subconscious what to think. It is the primary command that controls my very way of life. Everything I do, everything I believe in all stems from this command.
The root command is a two-edged sword, which is it can be positive or negative. Which way it swings is dependent upon the formative years, the years of early childhood. For me personally it is negative. This explains why I am always committing self-sabotage in almost everything I do.
Over the course of the next few articles I intend to explore my root command in greater detail. I now know why I self-destruct in my attempt to make money, what I need to find out now is how to prevent it and change my root command from negative to positive.
This should prove interesting…
G.
Follow-On:
What about you? Are you living from payday-to-payday? Are you just barely hanging on? Why? We reside in the greatest nation the world has ever known yet we live as if we are in a third rate country. How is this possible? There is an answer which I will discuss at the proper time, but for now my question to you is why do you let the actions of others determine your life?
I mentioned in my introduction that politics play a big role in self-improvement and there is a reason for that – there are forces at work in our political system that wants to enslave you. These forces accomplish this by telling you what you want to hear, not what the truth is. There will be more on this later, but I will say this: As long as you believe others are responsible for your life then you will be nothing but a slave, regardless of skin color.
